Judge not, lest ye feel self-esteem?

As someone who has had an unusual dress style (how do I really term this -alternative? outside the norm? non-mainstream?) since I was a child, I've had a lot of personal experience from which to draw ideas about the concept of "judgment." I am particularly referencing judgments concerning areas that really have no bearing on what type of person you are, like skin color, dress, hair color, body type, etc. Experiencing others judging me and watching other people be judged has led me to a lot of contemplation.

"That's so UNNATURAL. She's be hotter
with a fake tan, bleach blond hair and
breast implants."

Why do people judge? Four simple words that branch off into so much complex thought...

Are we taught to judge, and can thus be untaught, or is it "normal" (i.e. human nature) to judge?

Is hating other people for being different as ingrained in our genetics as opposable thumbs?

What factors effect how we are judged and how we judge others?

How should we handle judging - i.e. is ignoring the "judgers" always the "judgee's" best option ?
Are there instances where it's acceptable or even necessary to speak up or physically react when yourself or someone else is being judged?

Are there instances where it's okay for even the most anti-judgmental person to, in fact, judge?

"Oh no, she's over 25 and dressing alt. Ban
her from the tv before
she steals our childrens' souls!"

In instances where a judgment is definitely taught where did that come from? I mean if you trace the judgmental person's pattern of learning to their parents and those before them and those before them and so on and so on what made that FIRST person with that judgmental opinion feel the need to develop it?

Frankly, I can't answer any of these questions with finality. My opinions?

For some it is nature, some nurture and some both. For some it's popular culture, others family atmosphere. For some it's an amalgamation of all those influences.

I can never decide if you are being the bigger person by ignoring judgment leveled against you or if you are taking the coward's way out by not reacting. I believe in many ways people who judge are insecure and side-step that by putting others down to boost themselves. In that regards they themselves should be pitied, not hated, for their douchebaggery. Non-judgmental people probably don't act like that because they've learned, for the most part, to love and accept themselves...and of course that judging others is mean (hello kindergarten). The sad judgmental soul hasn't figured those things out.



"OMG, that must be a weird-dressed-girl
gang sign! She's calling reinforcements!
Run back inside your ranch house!!!!"



That said, a recent study of teenagers found that bullies often had very high self-esteem, defying conventional thought. I've known many people who were BOTH - super insecure and incredibly arrogant. I'm not a psychologist but I can only assume that the outer egotistic shell was created subconsciously to help the person cope with their deep self-loathing. Think of it as someone who buys a house with a huge hole in the middle of the living room. They put plywood over it, a nice rug, some expensive furniture around the perimeter and they show it off to their friends with no one being the wiser. The hole is always there though, in the back of their mind, influencing how they maneuver around the room. *shrug* Then again a talking peanut could probably come up with something just as intelligent.

I've noticed, and decided to document for my own ridiculous amusement, certain trends in how I and others I've witnessed of alternative stylings are judged based on a variety of external factors.

Behold, The Alternative Style Judgement Graph. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!

How it works:
0 is a totally negative perception, with the maximum number of people disliking you based solely on appearance.
7 is the positive/indifferent perception, with the maximum number of people either complimenting/liking, or being completely not phased by your appearance.

"Don't you know you're too OLD
for all those necklaces?"

The blue line follows age. Notice that in the teens you are judged heavily by your alternative appearance. During college almost no one cares, other than a few elderly professors and some types who can't move past the high school popularity ladder mindset. I suppose a smaller college, particularly one with lots of people from your h.s., would be a breeding ground for lower levels of acceptance. The 20-30 range is the peak of acceptability - you are at the end of, or through, college but still young enough to be perceived as in a "transitional" or "wild" phase. As you move into your late 20's people start to judge you more and more, particularly on your maturity level - "Haven't you grown out of this?" "Are you pretending to be a teen?" "This is just a phase." The closer you get to 30 the more your ability to do a job well, be productive in society, and parent are all questioned, along with your mental health in some instances. Post 30 you return to near-teen levels of mockery and snide behavior from family, non-alternative friends and the general populace who feel view you as a miscreant incapable of carrying on a "normal" life and even a parasite to society (I have people accuse me of being a drug addict, slut, and/or just generally immoral simply because of how I dress; this is usually coupled with shock that I own a home, have two college degrees and work a stable job in customs brokerage).

"I'm told that's called a fro-hawk. It's so... URBAN."

The red line follows the income of the neighborhood you are in. I've found that the neighborhoods I frequent which are very low-income to working class could care less about how you dress. People are either indifferent, because they are desensitized, or they think it's cool you are expressing yourself. Many alternative fashions, particularly so-called urban styles, come out of low-income areas where people are more free to express themselves outside of the constructs of the "hot trends" of popular culture. Hang out in these areas and chances are you are going to see many people with unnatural colors of hair, extensions or "unusual" hairstyles as well as piercings and clothing considered "loud" or inappropriate in middle to upper middle class areas. As income level rises people start to stare, snicker and comment more and more. Some places people will even walk quickly/run away from you or call the police if you are walking around their 'hood because they assume you are a ne'er-do-well. Yah, I've had this happen, seriously. This gets worse as you get older, as alternative teens are more cliche to white middle class America than mom and apple pie and thus more accepted as a part of that income bracket's daily life. Once you aren't at the age to be "in a phase" people with money get uncomfortable, or at the least find you funny...not in a good way. It would take me another HUGE article to go into the effects of red-lining and racism on keeping people of color in low-income neighborhoods, and thus the disproprtionate effect African-American and Latino culture, along with the cultures of new immigrants from Africa, Asia and Latin America, have on fashion in low-income areas - these areas tend to be more diverse and open-minded than more pricey communities that tend to be homogenized and obsessed with fitting in.



"Those city folk...keep 'em
 away from my kids."



The green line is the population size of where you live. In the small town I went to school in (62 people in my graduating class!) I was judged constantly, HARSHLY, by virtually everyone around me - classmates, teachers, parents, 99% of people you run into at the Wal-Mart (thanks for running everyone else out of business there, you rat bastards). People feel free to verbally, and sometimes physically, accost you no matter where you are because most of the people watching agree with them (or feel sorry for you but think you "brought it on yourself" by not conforming - got this A LOT). In large towns and small cities I have lived in the judgment was less extreme - it was more noted with snickering, milder comments ("you'd be such a pretty girl without all that eye makeup") and LOTS of staring. You get the occasional compliment, but even those have a hint of trepidatioin ("I like your hair color but I'm also scared of you"). In the mid-sized city I live in now (260,000 people) I would say I get a 75% positive/indifferent response. Most people just don't care what you look like unless it's super outside of the mainsteram - 3 foot dayglo orange mohawk for instance - because they have better things to worry about or they've just plain seen worse/better. Often they appreciate your expression - I've had 60 year old housewives tell me how cute my blue hair or heavy eye make-up is at the grocery store without a hint of sarcasm in their voice. Bigger cities I've visited (Boston, NYC, Toronto, San Fran) the indifference/positive response rating ramps up to closer to 90%. The mix of people in places like these, and the fact that larger cities tend to be on the forefront of new, more extreme trends, means the dayglo orange mohawk would probably go unnoticed by many people and those who did notice would want a picture for their blog (with caption "this is awesome").

These factors all interplay with each other as well - for instance, a high income neighborhood in a large city would be more accepting than a high-income neighborhood in a mid-sized town. Age is also less important in larger urban areas - i.e. 45 and alternative in a small town would have you persecuted like a Puritan-era witchcraft suspect, in a place like NYC you wouldn't get the bat of an eyelash.

Thoughts, folks? Personal experiences?